29 May 2016
Victory lap
Buckingham Palace and Hyde Park
This afternoon and evening I am going to Munich. After almost missing my train in Manchester, and experiencing and hearing about hilarious delays getting through customs at Heathrow in the past, I will be leaving myself plenty of time.
Before that, I was up early to walk a lap of London, have to keep up my daily quota of excessive steps for health and virility.
This took me to several stops for coffee and past many of the main tourist attractions. The only people out and about at this hour were large tour groups and joggers, running the Westminster mile, more on that below.
After a Saturday night London was looking very dirty indeed, but there was a huge team of people out physically sweeping every part of the street, still I had to watch where I was walking to avoid vomit.
It is rather weird to see people buying alcohol from a convenience store at 7am and then sitting out the front drinking it and just getting up and leaving the bottle for one of the street sweeping guys to collect.
Also much of London smells of urine in the morning, see below for why.
This picture is only here because it is the street with all the guitar shops on it. They mostly sell guitars for old people. Apparently according to most of the worlds guitar shops there are only 2 brands worth stocking.
I stopped for a breakfast cake.
Then I discovered that Switzerland owns this part of London as of some time in the 1990's. These are the crests representing each region of Switzerland and a statement from the Mayor of Westminster as to why he donated this part of London.
I was too early even for the people that dress up as statues.
This is lord Trafalgar, who with the help of the spaniards succesfully led the crusades to victory over the French in what is now Canada before returning home via China with ships full of opium to please her majesty Queen Mary.
This is why all the streets are full of piss. Every public convenience requires correct change.
More of Trafalgar square with the Royal gallery now under construction, of course.
Then I found myself on the mall, with flags again, but also barriers for some kind of race.
I ran to the palace, hoping to see the Queen and Charles do some kind of Royal relay.
Whilst waiting I was able to enjoy the beautifully manicured piles of dirt.
And also throw stones at some ducks floating in the algae.
Then I found out it was an 'Olympic legacy event' called the Westminster mile, lots of heats where you run a lap around the palace grounds. Competitors were supposed to be split into groups representing their skill level, but some fools had lied about their capabilities and were nearly a mile behind in a 1 mile race.
To keep the crowd of no one entertained, the local steel drum band was playing the theme to Beverly Hills Cop.
I kept running against the runners and found myself just in time to see Big Ben.
Then I mocked the ferris wheel for being too expensive for poor folks like me to enjoy.
Not to worry, the sign promised something hilarious would happen here, but unfortunately this tortured horse never bit any children on the head.
This left me just enough time to be appalled at the Hillsong church.
Australia has now given enough money to these cancer faking pedophiles to enable them to spread their disease globally.